Lyrics:
Scott Miller: lyric/story/vocal
DR: music & sound

Hello, FAWMERS. Lee here. I'd like to tell you a story. And, like most of my stories, it's about love.

I was sitting in a Texas saloon drinking Scotch when I saw something gorgeous blow past outside. "What was that?" I asked the barkeep, Charlie. "Oh that's just a dusty old tumbleweed that's been blowing round this town for a while. Way too long, if you ask me." The next thing Charlie knew, he was pinned to the ground, with my hands around his throat. "Don't you EVER talk that way about it! That's the tumbleweed I plan to marry one day!" With that, I tossed some crumpled up dollar bills at him, gave him a kick for good measure and went into the streets to search for this vision of loveliness.

Now, I know what you're gonna say. "What about Nancy, Lee?" It's a common misperception that Nancy and me had anything going. Sure, she was blonde, she was beautiful, she was young, she was rich, she was famous, she was talented, but ... where was I? Right! How could she hope to hold a candle to this wind-swept beauty?

We met over by the stables, where the tumbleweed had settled by an old water pump. We got to talking, and I found out that Jeannie - for that was her name -- was born right there in that town, and that she had been blowing around directionless for some time. I took her for a drink in the saloon, ignoring the stares and jealous glances, and we proceeded to get well-oiled, as we say in Texas. Well, one thing led to another, and we consummated our relationship right there in the dirt behind the saloon. It wasn't long till we married.

I wish I could say that we lived happily ever after, but you know that ain't the case. Remember the headlines? "Tumbleweed leaves Lee for robust young cactus?" "Prickly situation for perfect Texas couple?" "Tumbleweed Jeannie likes the prick of her new lover?" It was humiliating, ladies and gentlemen. So, in the fine tradition of my state, I shot 'em both dead with my 44. And that there's the story of me and the only thing I ever truly loved, a Texas tumbleweed.

Jeannie, my lovely tumbleweed
why'd you go and leave me
for that dang cactus?
cos that sure was the end of us
you may have gotten pricked
but I was the one left bleeding